Tag Archives: Wake

Breakfast.

Literally, one breaks the fast. A meal consumed that breaks or is a break of the fast induced by the human circadian rhythm (ie sleep).

It’s like… I’m waking… in a perpetual state of waking. This passive construct of the “-ing”. aluhghahh… passive constructs kill me. As a young writer, negatively reinforced away from the passive construct, I cringe while I read any word anywhere that ends in an “ing”. You know, in a twisted pseudo-Pavlovian mind-fuck.

Hey man, atleast I’m not drooling.

But the thing is, within the passivity of it all… this wake (ing)… this continuous motion, slow and half-conscious and foggy, maybe in all of my sophistication, I’ve rendered myself somewhat useless in detecting the small small slight non-horizontal non-lateral moment that may be currently taking place. Maybe some headway is being made. Ya dig?

Just because I’m still in that “changing states” state of wake (ing) doesn’t mean that the aforementioned concept and general home doesn’t have within it increasing levels.

It’s just that the proverbial breakfast to possibly follow is soooo bright and stringent and complicated that the wrestle out of wake (ing) appears so very simple in comparison. And when something seems simple… one forgets that there is a progression. Especially when the simple seems so difficult to one.

WAKE UUUUUPPPP!!!!

You just fuckin’ wake up. That’s it.

But, no maybe.

I continue to gain an increasing level of consciousness. Like, metaphorically or whatever. Still wake (ing)… yes, and that’s boring. But, maybe that’s just how it is.

The breakfast thing is sooo far away. It seems so far away. None of this is literal, mind you. It’s just that breakfast seems like a different animal… discontinuous… like a dream.

How can I be expected to take on this animal while I’m still not even fully awake?

But maybe we’ve learned something here… that it maybe slow. It is slow for your author here. Right now. I just… it’s like…

I’d like to be on with it already. But, if I can’t even deal with wake, every step of breakfast… all the choices and then dealing with the consequences of these choices.

…I’m like pre-school here. Swinging on the monkey bars in Alphabetland.

…but I was the cutest lil kid in Alphabetland.

 

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Clinical Trial [part #1]

Friday, 26 Dec 2008

6:34am PST: I wake up at this absurdly early hour. I look at the clock… notice that it is absurdly early. Decide in my groggy state that the world is not worth my dreams and fall back asleep.

8:15am PST: Again, absurdly early, I wake. I look at the clock and wonder why it’s medically impossible for me to sleep for an undisturbed period of a week. I check my computer to see if my season #2 of House is finished downloading itself. And see that it’s not. boo! What else to do but sleep.

1:30pm PST: Wake. Now, it’s a bit late. But college students do it all the time. I, however, am no longer in college. It’s okay and not okay. It really doesn’t matter. It is what it is.

On the bright side, two sequential episodes have successfully downloaded.

I watch Episode #203.

2:10pm PST: I am at a loss for what to do. It’s a good show and makes the juices flow. In my brain. Damaged or not. I won’t say that I like it. I’m just saying, I might like it, sometimes. Maybe.

I have red wine that sits next to my tall mini-fridge. Red wine will make me sleepy. And all those sulfates. $40 bottle Lasorda wine gift or not, it doesn’t seem like a good high at all. So, now, I think it’s the appropriate time to formally introduce to you my pharmacopeia. I have Vicodin in dwindling supply, Vicodin always makes me want to puke. This is useful had I eaten alot of food. But I have not. Then there is the Dexedrine, which, in it’s spanule carnation, works very similarly to Adderall. Which is great! Seriously. Much cleaner high. But I have to wait. Then, there’s Adderall, Dexedrine but dirty. Like an STD infested hooker, instead of an escort service. But still, you’d have to wait. Then, there is Klonopin, which I’ve, as of recent, been popping like chalky little Neco wafers. Usually in conjuction with Vicodin and always at night.

So, now what? I take the Ibuprophen 800, because I need something to pop. Hmm, there’s also Amoxicillin. Wrongly prescribed. And I bet generally innocuous. But fuck it. I’m not a fan of future antibiotic resistant infection because I felt the need to pop something.

2:33pm PST: I think it might be time for a shower.

 

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